Sunday, April 27, 2014

What I hear when you have compassion for parents who murder their children

OK world, let's get something straight.  You need to know what I hear when you sympathise, empathise and otherwise have compassion for people who murder their children.

When you say "oh the poor mother, she must have been so stressed, she had no support, I feel sorry for her, I can understand why she killed her son", I hear you saying to me:

"If you kill MasterL or MissG, I will feel sorry for you."

That is wrong. It is so wrong it makes me sick to my stomach.

I also hear you say that their lives are less valuable than my other children's lives. I hear you say that my life is more valuable than their lives. I hear you say that because they are not "normal" they can be disposed of and that would be understandable.

I'll say it again. That is wrong and it makes me sick.

I know that is not what you think you are saying, but it is what I hear.

And when you try to shame me for not having compassion for a murderer by asking me if I know for sure I would never kill my child.....  I have to walk away from my computer for hours, and am unable to eat for that whole period of time because I feel so nauseated.

When you make excuses for parents who murder their child by saying "oh, they must have been mentally ill" my skin crawls.

What I hear you saying is that my husband, who is Bipolar is more likely to kill our kids because he has a "mental illness", when in fact the research clearly shows he is actually more likely to be bullied by you and discriminated against by you than he is to ever hurt one of our kids.

So, you know what? Shut up the lot of you. Close your mouths and really have a think about what you are saying, what you are implying, and how your words impact other people. Every time you make comments like these you help to increase the stigma against my whole family and you endanger my children's lives.


  1. Thank you Michelle

    for making it clear what you hear.

    "He is more likely to be bullied by you and discriminated against by you" ... what does he hear when he hears this?

    1. Hi Adelaide, are you asking what my husband hears when I say he is more likely to be bullied and discriminated against?

    2. I am asking just that, Michelle.

      (And the accumulation of the bullying and the discrimination too).

      And I'd like to say thank you for the "Parent Who Feels They Can't Cope" page.

    3. Thanks for clarifying, Adelaide.

      I asked him, and he gave me permission to tell you that when he hears me say things like that he agrees that it is a fair statement. He said he has been bullied and discriminated against by people because they know he is Bipolar. He also regularly hears people talk about people with mental illness in a negative way.

      He also said that when he first tells people he is Bipolar he usually experiences some form of discrimination, but if they get to know him it stops.

      Thanks also for the appreciation of the Parents who feel they can't cope page. I hope it is useful to people.


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